work is better after sleep.

slept from 5-7.

and it's like 830 now. time flies. have to study math later, test almost first thing in the morning. after chinese, which will probably be spent discussing the paper which i didn't touch.

at least i did suibi though. on like evil scientists and frogs and rainbows and gays.

gays. that's too common a topic nowadays. it's like everywhere, i bet the teachers are sick of seeing it in article reviews.

oh. hungarian grand prix started already. forgot about that. i'm hoping the mclarens take out the red bulls and it's all hamilton's fault. don't like him.

so the only thing i have to worry about tmr is the math test and getting verbally abused by a bunch of people. it's okay, i can handle it. it's like primary school all over again -.-

except this time it is sort of my fault, whereas the last time this sort of thing happened it was totally unprovoked. just the hormones of very troubled children acting up.

or maybe it's just me again and i'm too arrogant and messed up to notice.

oho. mercedes is getting owned by force india now. good job, people.

one day, force india are going to be champions and the whole world will cheer.

rain in ten minutes there.

it's dinner in ten minutes for me. so, i'll do a quiz. ripped off fiona, again. i really don't know where to go for quizzes, whenever i search for myspace ones i get nonsense.

-actually, dinner's ready now so i shall go eat-

a quiz of many fratalities.

Losing all your old memories or never being able to make new ones?
losing all the old memories. because i know my friends will help me fill in the gaps, and we're moving into the future, not in tot the past.

A friend moving far away or losing touch with a friend that lives right near you?
the first one. it's better, because at least there's like a reason that the friendship dies. it's just sad if the person lives near you and you don't talk anymore :(

Betraying a friend or having a friend betray you?
i don't like being the bad guy.

How have your feelings changed throughout life?

the feelings now are more complicated and less innocent. it's like, i think a lot, even about random people that i don't know, and just make assumptions, which i keep telling myself not to make, which is not good. and since around 2 years ago, i've cut myself off a certain way, to prevent myself from getting hurt again. but i'm thinking about opening up again...i mean, you can't hide these feelings forever.


Your best friend died because of you, what would you do?
i'd like to say that i'll just be sad my whole life, but i can't because i don't know. that scenario has been replayed in my head many times, but yet i still don't believe it, because i don't trust myself. I don't think i have that many emotions and that i'm a good person, so I don't think i'll feel that way. which is bad, because it's like I don't have a conscience. it's tough to understand.

What's your worst fear?
losing friends. and losing direction, and being old and alone.

If you could change one thing about your past what would it be?
not eat so much so that i'm not so fat now :(

next year, next year.

Do you believe that you can be in love with 2 people at the same time?
of course. love is strange.

Why do you think bad things happen to good people?
there's no one watching over us. it's just unfair sometimes.

Would you sacrifice self respect for love?
probably not. what's the point of having love if you don't believe in yourself and respect yourself anymore? but then again, if there's someone there to patch you up, i don't see why not..

Which is worse, drowning or being buried alive?
Buried alive is worse. Imagine choking on sand to death.

What's the one thing you want to do before you die?
just, to have someone to love.

What's the best feeling in the world?
just pure happiness. when you've accomplished something and done really brilliantly.

Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?
Burn. Heard that freezing's very painful..

What would you do if you had no family or friends?
just, run away.

don't think i'll be able to survive actually. still very dependent. too dependent.

okay. quiz is over. that was a big quiz. like, emotionally big.

even though you probably didn't understand me. but it's okay.

it started to rain in hungary again. i give up.

chocolate biscuits.

youtube's not working right now.

i hate this feeling. the feeling of the fact that everyone hates me because i screwed up. i just lost control, okay. and it's like, relieving that moment about more than 20 times everyday and just feeling that it's my fault because i started it. it takes to hands to clap, you know.

but time can't be unwritten.

and i can't just run away. because there's nothing to run away to.

there's just nowhere to go.

oh, and jiamin, you owe me 50 bucks. remember because that's like what i spend in 2.5 weeks. and my mum would kill me. yes, she would.

had tuition in the morning today, and then basically slacked around, did zuoye and studied a little math. i'm assuming we can get bio postponed, if not tmr will have to be spent doing suibi(2), studying econs and bio.

lion autocorrected econs to eons. yes, i'm going to be studying for eons.

and still have to settle geog groupings. goodness. shouldn't have taken econs, really. learning nothing much also. i should really listen in the lectures.

forget it. i'm going off to edit the video. must finish by today so that there's less stuff to do tmr..

maybe i should have taken art, then just photograph and edit everything..

the story left untold, is better than you know.

i'm sorry.

for injuring you.

for starting everything.

i'm just not good enough.

hurt and aliens.

what a day. full of crashes, explosions. and surprises.

and just me being annoyed at everything. but being busy. i like busy, busy's good. but not too busy. this is just screwed lol. i have to do all these by tonight -.-

1. learn tingxie

2. study for math get

3. do geog

4. do suibi (think i'll heck this)

5. do the chinese paper (don't care)

6. edit the video

will probably only do the first three, and 4. and 5. don't really count actually. 6 can wait, because they gave an extension on the deadline. i didn't know we were going to be that busy?! next week is damn screwed. monday : math test. tuesday : bio test and econs test. gg.

in other news, a man in south africa awoke in a morgue because they thought he was dead as he had no heartbeat. scary. mind you, i think it's the 3rd occurrence in 2 years or so...something fishy is going on.

other than that, i was just annoyed today. pe is stupid, because i'm total rubbish at floorball. i wave the stick at the ball, and the stick hits the ground and flies out of my hand -.-

and it's super difficult to keep. almost impossible. yay we're doing frisbee next. finally, something controllable.

don't like having no control.

physics was quite good, because nowadays yeo takes more effort to make sure we understand, and he cracked lame jokes as usual. but he says our class is nice to teach because we ask a lot of questions, but then all the questions are super difficult. hmm. i wonder who.

chem was okay, apart from the brain frying. it's like just this one question, and it kills us all. it gets to the point that even justin stops copying and just sits there. and i'm like lagging a few questions behind and struggling to keep up. but after that, i look at the examples in the notes and it all seems easy lol. the worksheet is a killer..

and then we did card tricks. openly. they were talking about acidic buffers..and jordan is like, " i'm not interested in buffers unless you remove the r and put in a t." QOTD, man.

then went to check the cultures...can't believe it's one month prac. but oh well, one month is short. time passes too quickly. and then the ne quiz. by some glitch, i skipped a level and got to level 4 super quickly. but it's kind of pointless, the questions just keep repeating. they should just give you a questionnaire..probably more effective.

the journey home was okay, but then while waiting for the bus at simei some random guy came up to me and dion and asked us if we could give him a dollar. i was clean out of money (my wallet is completely empty), so dion said yes, but while he took out his wallet the guy like tried to dig into it and take all the money...scary. managed to force him off though. and then he went off to hunt for more targets...

that was just scary and weird. and then 9 never comes, and when it did we had to squeeze into it again...and it's just so hard to keep balance! and then there are people who don't want to sit down when there's seats. and people who don't move in -.- seriously, i am done with public transport. can't even fit into the bus seats..have to sit sideways..

on the older buses, that is.

but even if you drive, it's impossible in this country. too many people. don't the government realise this? but no, they're just concerned with getting people in to stimulate the economy and make more money..

and annoyed at people who judge me. i don't know okay, it's not like you have to care right. just don't. and i'm tired of doing everything unperfectly. i can't even do most things 50% right, you know. screw this.

oh, unperfectly isn't a word. fail ranting.

bye.

imagine being stuck in a hotel, where the rooms and floors keep shifting so you can't get out. and all the rooms contain your nightmares and the nightmares of the people who have been there and died there. such a scary concept. the god complex.

nice guys finish last.

hello. i'm back after a one day hiatus. shouldn't really call it that. the thing is i was editing the video until about 1 last night. and then i thought there was tingxie. which there is, on friday. so i just had tuition and i asked the teacher to go through the 2 课文 with me. so i now understand all the words...just need to memorise and write about a thousand more times. i'll do it tmr.

and then now i realise there's still geog homework to do. and i'm still not done editing the video. iMovie is annoying to edit audio on. it's like, a complete cow. thank goodness i'll be using Final Cut after this..if it works. haven't tried decompressing it, too busy. thanks yawen (:

but then again, it'll probably fail again.

at least i'm done editing my photos from the chinese gardens. don't have to care lol, just show up there and present. my first photosharing..haha.

interesting.

i have to go back to editing. or else i'll probably collapse tmr. had 5 hours of sleep tmr. that's very little, for me. unless i'm on jetlag...

i wish i could be on jetlag. then i'll just do everything in one shot. tingxie + video + geog.

by the way guys, don't kill me if the video doesn't turn out nice. i'm doing my best, but i'm limited here.

by myself, only.

disappointed, in myself again. i just can't do stuff. i can't lead. i can't do things properly.

math + econs + bio test next week. GG

my math is screwed, maybe i should go for consultation. my critical points, extrema, and concavity is all messed up.

but there's no more time. ahh, i'll just have to heck it.

no, but if you get cold, i will give you my jacket.

today was kinda dismal. well, okay i suppose. english was quite good, we just watched a documentary on the chinese people learning english for the olympics. they're really motivated, can't believe they put in that much effort to learn a language. i know i'd fail. and the cool police guy! his new york accent is better than the americans haha.

win.

i think i'll have to export the video in mp4. don't think vlc can read mov.

it'll be on a computer running windows anyway, so yeah.

i've come to realise i don't hate chinese that much. i mean, i hate it when wu jiong attempts to teach it, and i hate writing a lot of stuff. but learning all the words and phrases is quite interesting. it's inspiring, and satisfying when i guess the meaning correctly.

the doctor is going to wear a top hat in the next episode! can't wait. 27th august.

oh, time passes too quickly.

kinda reluctant to go for OBS now. i mean, it's like $250! at first when i thought it was $500 i was like, hell no. but then just now i meant the russian on the train and he told me. still pondering, anyway not sure if i'll be in malaysia or covering convocation.

and according to bradley, you should cut spam and potatoes into cubes, and fry them together. he says it's nice. haha next year must stock up on spam.

i've been running, faster than i've ever run. and i've been running my whole life. now it's time for me to stop. and tonight, i'm going to need you all with me.

there you go, drink up.

oh, it's just the silence.

at the end of this post i've attached a video which is a trailer for doctor who series 6 episodes 8-13. see if it convinces you to start watching it.

it's just so exciting. and i have to wait until september.

today was a maze actually. went to send my grandfather off in the morning/noon/afternoon. he's going back to malaysia. he really shouldn't go, i miss him already. why doesn't he just move here! he's so awesome :D

he says he will eventually. so i'll wait.

i'll get like a free chinese teacher 24/7 + someone who buys bananas + someone who i can talk to about anything under the sun.

and over the sun. ah.

then came back and tried to make myself useful. think i did like 2 ppv tutorial questions, read phy notes, and did 1 chinese mcq compare. fail..and then had tuition which made me super sleepy.

i should be sleeping actually. right now it is nearly eleven. and i feel so tempted to just roll sideways onto my bed.

statistics are all made up.

47% of all apples are green.

56% of ducks have feathers of a yellowish tinge.

and 90% of all mums actually tell their kid to do work. that's the problem i have. whenever i'm feeling slackish, i want my mum to control me. and she just goes, "oh, then don't do lah. go sleep or something". and i'm like @!#@!#@!##@!

and i'm also pissed at lion. when i swipe across the mouse with one finger accidentally the thing goes to the previous page. and blogger doesn't autosave my posts anymore, for some reason. i very nearly lost this post so i was kicking the wall and screaming.

me : bitch!

mum and sis : OI! female dog..

that's too much for you to stomach in one night. i'm going to say goodnight.

rest well.